


Rage

by lostinbl



Series: Davenzi prompts [2]
Category: Druck | SKAM (Germany)
Genre: Angry Matteo, Angst, Angsty Matteo, Davenzi, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, References to Depression, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 12:46:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18604810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lostinbl/pseuds/lostinbl
Summary: The poison keeps on spreading, turning more and more consuming, swallowing everything, drowning everything. There’s nothing good left, just anger, sadness and hate.And then Matteo can’t take it anymore, he needs to get it out. He needs to pour the poison out of him or he might explode. He needs to do it right now.





	Rage

_“I think it all went a bit fast somehow. I need some time. Don’t be angry.”_

When Matteo went to David’s apartment, he wasn’t angry. He was scared and confused but he was sure everything would be okay if he could just talk with David. He would’ve told him it’s fine and they can take it slow. He thought that if he let David explain what he meant, things would get resolved. He thought that they only needed to talk to make things okay.

And then after he got chased out, he received another text.

_"Please leave me alone. **I’m not into you.** ” _

And at first, Matteo wasn’t angry. He was scared, frustrated, confused and well, beyond hurt. He didn’t break his phone out of anger, he broke it out of frustration.

But as Matteo walked back home, things changed. He got angry. Oh, he got very angry.

Which is why Matteo stomps the stairs up to their flatshare not caring about the noise his feet are making. He couldn’t care less if the neighbors are asleep already. At this moment, he can’t bring himself to care about anything.  
The anger is pumping in his veins like poison, blocking everything besides the immense hate growing inside of Matteo. He’s not sure who or what the target of his hate is, he just knows it’s there and it’s starting to consume him.

Matteo unlocks the flatshare’s door with his key and kicks his shoes off. They hit the wall with loud thuds. He slams the front door close behind him and tears his jacket off as he runs into his room. Hans and Mia are sitting in the kitchen, startled by the boy’s sudden, loud, appearance. Mia raises her eyebrows in concern as she hears Matteo slam his door shut.  
“Is everything okay with him?” Mia wonders out-loud and Hans glances at her, shrugging. Hans’ thoughts go back to their discussion eariler but he shakes off the discomfort he feels. Surely that has nothing to do with Matteo’s outburst.

Inside his room Matteo stands in front of his bed, panting. His jacket and scarf are on the floor but he still feels hot. He feels like he’s burning. Matteo’s hands are itching to do something, anything. The hate inside Matteo doesn’t grow any smaller even in his own room, even here in his safe place. On the contrary, this familiar room seems to make him even more furious.

His blood is roaring in his ears as the strong poison inside Matteo spreads. At first it only warms his chest, but little by little, it moves along his arms, down to his stomach, all the way to his toes. The poison keeps on expanding and soon Matteo feels overwhelmed. He can’t think straight. His thoughts bounce around his head, switching from topic to topic all while staying on one thing.

**David.**

Matteo grabs his hair and tugs hard. The pain brings tears to his eyes as he tears some of the hair off of his scalp. Someone pushes a jagged knife in between his ribs.

**David.**

The poison keeps on spreading, turning more and more consuming, swallowing everything, drowning everything. There’s nothing good left, just anger, sadness and hate.

And then Matteo can’t take it anymore, he needs to get it out. He needs to pour the poison out of him or he might explode. He needs to do it _right now_.

In his desperate state Matteo doesn’t hesitate. His eyes find an empty beer bottle and without a second thought, Matteo’s hand wraps around it. He pulls his arm back and flings the bottle against a wall. With a loud noise, it shatters into hundreds of pieces all over Matteo’s room. The house grows quiet.  
But Matteo doesn’t care. He’s too angry. He grabs another bottle and with a frustrated yell he whisks it forward, just to be rewarded with another loud shatter. Matteo takes hold of another bottle.

With every throw he gets into a bigger frenzy. He continues to search for glass bottles and he keeps on slamming them against the wall, again and again, well aware of the shouts coming from outside of his door.  
Mia and Hans are there, slamming their fists against the locked door in panic.  
“Matteo! What’s going on?! Please let us in! What’s happening in there?!” Mia’s words mix with Hans’ similar ones. Matteo finds it ridiculously easy to ignore them. It’s like their voices are coming from behind a thick stone wall, it’s just a small muffle, a small noise that doesn’t matter. There’s only one thing, _one person_ who could reach Matteo right now and he has made it very clear that he wants nothing to do with any of this.

**David.**

Matteo runs out of bottles. Shit. Frantically he searches around the room, his chest rising up and down with his pants. His eyes fixate on the round table next to him and all the small, breakable, fragile items on it. He grabs them and starts throwing them. The ashtray breaks with a loud shatter and the other items thump against the wall and then drop down to lay among the shattered glass.

But it’s not enough. Matteo let’s out a furious scream and lifts the small table up, throwing it against a wall as well. And that’s when he loses the very last piece of his rationality. Matteo stops looking for small, convenient things. He stops searching for things that make a pretty noise, he grabs anything and everything trying to destroy as many things as he can.

He rips the curtains off of his window with force. He shoves all the items down from his table and then he shoves off all the items on the shelves. He picks up the old skateboard leaning against the sofa and with a furious yell, he starts slamming it down hard, breaking it into two, uneven, jagged-edged pieces. He tears the cushion off from the sofa and swings it hard against the door.

And then he sees a bottleneck on the floor and without thinking, he grabs it. Matteo holds a pillow down with his left hand as he starts tearing the fabric open with the sharp, broken edge. Tears start blurring his vision and he’s panting, wheezing. He’s covered in cold sweat but he doesn’t stop. He can’t stop. Even if he wanted to, he’s not able to. The sharp edge of the glass cuts Matteo’s left arm but he barely notices the pain. He only notices the injury when red bleeds into his pillow. Matteo throws the pillow away, not bothering with his wound, turning around to destroy something else.

“Matteo, darling, please stop! Please don’t hurt yourself, just let us in!” Hans’ voice slips past the stone wall. But only for a little while. Soon his voice is drowned by the roaring in Matteo’s ears, the same way it drowns everything else.

Once Matteo has destroyed every single thing he was able to lay his hands on, he still feels the same jagged knife between his ribs. He still feels the need to let all the poison out, he _has to_ let all the poison out, he can’t breathe with all this pain, he needs to let it out. Frantically he looks around his messed up room looking for more things to throw, looking for more things to shatter and break. But it’s not enough. He’s run out of things to destroy. It’s not enough, he needs more. So, he starts destroying the only thing left: himself.

The noise escaping Matteo’s lips is a mix of a sob and a scream as he slams his fist against the wall. Immediately the pain spreads through his knuckles all the way up to his shoulder, and this time the scream leaving Matteo’s lips is not because of mental pain, but because of physical.

And yet, with the physical pain, Matteo can feel a small fraction of the poison, the pain, flowing out of him.

So, he lifts his arm up and slams his fist against the wall, again, and again, and again, until he can no longer see anything due to the tears in his eyes and his hand is covered in thick, hot, red blood flowing from his knuckles. Strands of pain move through his right hand like burning hot wires. The pain is worse than any physical pain Matteo has ever felt. He can’t move his fingers, all Matteo can do is clutch his right hand with his left as his legs give out under him.

And then Matteo laughs. He lets out a loud, hysterical laugh because he has finally done it. He finally got the poison out. He finally numbed the pain. And as Matteo lies there on the floor, tightly clutching his right hand, his hysterical laughter turns into sobs. And once the sobs start, he can’t stop them. He can’t control the sadness as it flows over him and consumes all thought and feeling.

The only things existing are Matteo and his pain. And oh how Matteo wishes he didn’t exist.

And all while Hans, Linn and Mia are on the other side of the door, banging against it, desperately pleading Matteo to let them in, yelling at him to let them help.

But Matteo can’t do that. He can’t let them in.

Because the only person in this world who could help him, has left him.

There’s no one who can help him now.

_**No one.** _

**Author's Note:**

> Another prompt I wrote on tumblr @lostinbl a few weeks ago to deal with hell week so you can check the original post  
> [here](https://lostinbl.tumblr.com/post/184166808201/rage-i-think-it-all-went-a-bit-fast-somehow-i)  
>    
> Thanks for reading, feel free to leave a comment :)


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